Many people grow up hearing that a strong sexual relationship should be effortless, spontaneous, frequent, and full of passion all the time. In Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections, Emily Nagoski offers a different perspective: healthy sexual connection is not defined by performance, frequency, or orgasm. It is defined by pleasure, connection, consent, and the unique context of each relationship.

Sexual desire is complex, deeply personal, and often misunderstood. In Come as You Are , Emily Nagoski explains that sexual desire is not simply “on” or “off” but a dynamic balance between what she calls sexual accelerators and sexual brakes. Understanding how these work can help individuals and couples navigate desire with greater compassion, reduce shame, and strengthen intimacy. Click on the photo to learn more about Emily's work. The Accelerator and Brake Metaphor Nagoski