The Myths of Parenthood: Making Space for the Whole Experience of Parenthood

Expectations Surrounding Parenthood

As a parent, you might be receiving messages about what pregnancy and parenthood are supposed to look like. “Pregnancy is supposed to be beautiful.” “Becoming a parent is supposed to be joyful.” “You are supposed to be grateful.” “You are supposed to know how to parent.” But what happens when your actual experience does not match the expectations the world is putting on you? Together, let us explore some common myths about pregnancy and parenthood and the truths that can make space for the full experience.

Myth: “Pregnancy and parenting are easy and instinctive”

It is often assumed that parents will naturally know what pregnancy and parenthood will be like, how to navigate their role as a parent or spouse, or that parenting skills should simply come naturally. This can feel like a lot of pressure that no one should have to carry.

Every parent will have a different experience from the parents they know or experiences they observe on social media. These transitions can sometimes feel like information overload as you learn how your body is changing, develop the parenting skills you want to build, and adjust to a new identity. It is okay to not have all the answers and to learn along the way. It is also okay to feel uncertain and overwhelmed. Give yourself grace in the moments when you find yourself comparing your experience to someone else's. Asking for help during pregnancy and parenting does not mean you are failing.

The truth: 

Parenting is learned and needing support is normal. You do not have to do this alone. 

Myth: “Becoming a parent is always joyful”

Becoming a parent can involve multiple emotions at the same time, not just joy. Let us explore some other emotions you may experience during pregnancy and the journey of becoming a parent: fear, grief, excitement, anxiety, sadness, resentment, and even uncertainty to name a few. 

The truth: 

Two things can be true at once, and you are allowed to feel multiple emotions at the same time.

• You can love your baby deeply and still miss your life before parenthood and even pregnancy. 

• You can be grateful and still feel overwhelmed. 

• You can be excited and still feel afraid. 

Myth: “Pregnant people ‘glow’”

There can be a lot of pressure to have a positive pregnancy experience. It can be difficult not to compare your experience to others, especially when we often only see the parts of pregnancy that others choose to share.

Pregnancy can involve physical discomfort, exhaustion, nausea, body-image changes, anxiety, fear about childbirth, changes in relationships, and even a loss of control. Listening to your bodies and showing yourself compassion can be difficult during such a significant time of change.

The truth: 

Pregnancy is not necessarily “bad,” but it can be complicated. There can be beautiful moments alongside uncomfortable, difficult, or unexpected ones. You do not have to experience pregnancy in a certain way for your experience to be valid.

Myth: “Children should always be raised in a home with a loving mother and father”

There is a common belief that children need to be raised in a home with both a loving mother and father in order to thrive. Children may be raised by single parents, grandparents, stepparents, adoptive parents, same-sex parents, extended family members, or other caregivers. Rather than focusing on a particular family structure, it is important to focus on what children need to thrive: safety, stability, consistency, emotional availability, secure relationships, and supportive caregivers.

The truth: 

Families can look many different ways. What matters is that children have relationships in which they feel safe, loved, supported, and cared for. Families may look different from what we traditionally expect, and different does not mean less healthy or less capable of providing a loving home.

Myth: “How can you be depressed if you are having a baby?”

There is a common misconception that having a baby should automatically make someone happy. Depression and other mental health struggles can occur during pregnancy and after birth, regardless of how wanted the pregnancy was or how deeply the baby is loved. Pregnancy and the postpartum period bring significant physical, emotional, relational, and life changes, and navigating these changes can be difficult.

The truth: 

You can love your baby and still experience depression. You can feel grateful to be a parent and still feel overwhelmed, sad, disconnected, or even exhausted. Struggling with your mental health does not mean you are ungrateful, and it does not mean you are a bad parent. It may need additional support, compassion, and a safe space to process what you are experiencing. 

You do not have to navigate these experiences alone

At Trellis Therapy, we believe there is room for the whole experience of becoming a parent: the joy, the uncertainty, the grief, the love, and everything in between. If you find yourself feeling the weight of any of these expectations or needing extra support throughout pregnancy and parenting, we would be grateful to walk alongside you.

You can reach out today to learn more about our therapy services and explore whether working with a therapist could be a helpful next step for you. Sometimes, taking the first step simply means allowing yourself a space to be heard, supported, and understood.

Sources: 

Maternal Mental Health NOW & UCLA Child & Youth Behavioral Health Center of Excellence. (n.d.). Perinatal mental health 101: What to know [Learning pathway]. Wellbeing for LA Learning Center. https://learn.wellbeing4la.org/detail?id=401103