Is Your Marriage at a Crossroads? How Discernment Counseling Can Help

Relationships can be complex, and sometimes couples find themselves at a crossroads. You may feel stuck in the same negative patterns, unsure whether to continue working on your marriage or consider separation/divorce. If this sounds familiar, Discernment Counseling offers a structured approach to help you find clarity and give you confidence to make a decision. 

What Is Discernment Counseling?

Discernment Counseling is designed for mixed-agenda couples, where one partner is leaning out and feeling ambivalent about the relationship, while the other is leaning in and eager to work on it. Unlike traditional couples therapy, Discernment Counseling doesn’t focus on immediately solving problems. Instead, it helps couples gain clarity about their next steps, build confidence, and understand each partner’s contributions to the challenges in the marriage.

Developed by Dr. Bill Doherty, Discernment Counseling focuses on helping couples decide whether to pursue couples therapy or separation/divorce, providing a safe and structured environment for honest reflection.

How Discernment Counseling Works

Discernment Counseling typically involves 1–5 sessions, each lasting 1.5 hours. Sessions alternate between joint couple discussions and individual reflection, giving each partner space to explore their feelings and perspectives. The goal is not to solve all problems immediately but to help couples decide whether change is possible and what kind of effort is needed. After each session you get to decide if you are ready to choose a path or if you need an additional session.

The Three Paths

Through Discernment Counseling, couples explore three potential paths for their relationship:

• Path 1: Stay in the marriage as-is: Continue the marriage without major changes for now.

• Path 2: Divorce or separation:  Move towards ending the marriage in a thoughtful and intentional way.

• Path 3: Six-month all-out effort with couples therapy: Engage in 6 months of couples therapy with divorce off the table to see if reconciliation is possible, focusing fully on repair and connection.

Why Try Discernment Counseling?

If you and your partner are feeling stuck, unsure about the future, or trapped in negative cycles, Discernment Counseling can help you gain clarity and direction. This process gives both partners the space to be heard, reflect individually, and understand each other’s perspectives without pressure.

• Gain Clarity: Understand the real issues in your marriage and explore what each partner truly wants.

• Make Confident Decisions: Move forward with confidence, whether that means rebuilding your relationship or moving towards divorce.

• Gain Understanding : Learn how past patterns and individual contributions have shaped your current challenges.

Discernment Counseling isn’t about forcing decisions, it’s about giving your relationship the chance it deserves to be fully understood so you can make intentional, informed choices.

Take the First Step

If your relationship feels uncertain or stuck, exploring Discernment Counseling can help you move forward with purpose, clarity, and confidence. This structured, compassionate approach provides the guidance you need to understand your relationship and choose the path that feels right for both partners. One of our therapists, Taylor Holloman, LMFT is working to become certified in Discernment Counseling. She is equipped to help you and your partner gain the clarity and confidence your relationship deserves. Reach out to us today to get started! 

Sources:

Doherty Relationship Institute. (2025). Discernment counseling: Introduction to discernment counseling. https://discernmentcounseling.com/introduction-to-discernment-counseling/