Understanding Internal Family Systems: A New Way to See Yourself

Ever feel like different parts of you are being pulled in opposite directions? One moment, you’re confident and in control, and the next, self-doubt takes over. If that sounds familiar, Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a great way to understand yourself better.

What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?

IFS is a therapy model that sees individuals as having multiple internal parts that make up their whole self. Think of it like an internal family: different parts of you playing different roles. This concept moves away from the idea that we have a single, unified mind and instead embraces the multiplicity of mind, where different aspects of us interact just like members of a family.

The four key aspects of a person in IFS are:

• Balance: Ensuring that different parts of you work together

• Harmony: Creating internal peace between conflicting parts

• Leadership: Letting the core “Self” guide your actions

• Development: Allowing growth through self-awareness

Three Parts: Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters

IFS therapy understands that each person has multiple parts that influence thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and when out of balance ultimately interferes with Self-leadership. Exiles are the vulnerable, often wounded parts carrying past pain or unmet needs. Managers are protective parts that try to keep us safe by controlling our behavior and preventing emotional overwhelm. Firefighters also protect us, but act reactively, often through impulsive or compulsive behaviors, to quickly soothe emotional pain. By connecting with these parts from a place of Self-leadership, we can bring compassion, understanding, and balance to our internal system.

Self-Leadership: The Ultimate Goal of IFS

At the heart of IFS is the concept of Self-Leadership, where an individual learns to lead their internal system with clarity and confidence. The "Self" is characterized by the 8 C’s: Compassion, Curiosity, Creativity, Confidence, Courage, Calm, Clarity, and Connectedness. IFS suggests that our Self is naturally in a state of balance, capable of love, compassion, and understanding. However, as life unfolds, different parts of us take on protective roles, sometimes overshadowing our true Self. The goal of IFS, whether for individuals, couples, or families, is to restore this natural state by recognizing our parts, setting clear boundaries, and engaging with the world in a healthy and balanced way.

How IFS Helps People Heal

IFS therapists believe that emotional distress comes from internal constraints, certain parts of us being stuck in roles that don’t serve us. For example, a part of you might always feel the need to be “the responsible one,” even when you’re exhausted and operating over capacity. IFS focuses on identifying these constraints and releasing them so that you can access your own internal resources and become a more balanced version of yourself. 

IFS As a Non-Pathological Approach

Instead of labeling parts of yourself as “bad,” IFS encourages acceptance and self-compassion. It normalizes that all people have all different parts and no parts are inherently “bad.” While some parts are harmful to yourself or others, this approach allows for compassion as we engage with the destructive parts of ourselves or others. By maintaining a non-pathological approach, IFS creates new, healthier roles for parts under the leadership of the Self. 

Final Thoughts

IFS offers a fresh and compassionate way to look at ourselves, not as a single, fixed identity but as a collection of dynamic parts that interact in complex ways. Whether you’re dealing with internal struggles or relationship challenges, IFS provides a path toward self-awareness, healing, and greater emotional harmony.

If you’re interested in learning more, consider exploring IFS therapy with one of our therapists. 

Sources:

Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. Sounds True.

Schwartz, R. C. (2023). Introduction to internal family systems. Sounds True.